Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
