Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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