I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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