Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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