I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
