Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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