Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
