Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize