I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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