So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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