What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
