I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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