I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
