I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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