guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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