This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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