24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
