drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
