dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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