a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
