I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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