Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
