If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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