Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
