That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
