i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The air was thick with penises
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
