I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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