ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
