WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
