i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
