Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
