How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
where am i from again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dear god my vagina.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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