I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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