dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
