God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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