Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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