I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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