fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
