She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
