they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
