theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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