i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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