I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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