And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
