"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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