Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
