my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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