No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
