the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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