That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
