haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
