I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
