Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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