Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
