Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
