id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
