i just had sex bonerless
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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