she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
