i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
