just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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