the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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