Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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