you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
