Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
