I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
