I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
