Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
