That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
