yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
