is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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