You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
