doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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