Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
