dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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