I cannot find my penis.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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