god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
