Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
