who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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