i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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