In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I just put wine in my tea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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