I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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