tell your sister to shave her snatch
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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