dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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