Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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