weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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