I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
