when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
MIDGETS
????
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize