he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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