I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
