It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
