I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
