I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
