hotel room ftw
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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