Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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